does anyone know any really funny and really random quotes, please, send quote and whos sayin it, thank you
and it doenst have 2 be from movies, just anything really random and funny
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!
haha!! i like David N.`s comment!!
ima put that as my headline....thnkss dude
It all depends on your sense of humor.
What may be funny to one person may be droll to a second person and obscene to a third!
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quotationspage.com
its not that funny but... "We lost because we didn't win" -Ronaldo. (the brazillian soccer star)
she's so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass to get a drink of water
'ageing is a matter over mind. if you dont mind, it doesnt matter.'-News Straits Time, Sunday edition (forgot the date!)
'before they made me, they broke the mould.'- romance novel,"one week marriage by Leigh Michele'
'tell the truth and run' - romance novel,"one week marriage by Leigh Michele'
p/s: those are the ones that i remember......there's more
Im not short, Im fun sized :D
Lol
“A funeral is not usually a cheerful object to me unless I could select the subject.” Henry W. Grady
“If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.” Bette Davis
“All right, I will learn to read, but when I have,funny quotes quotes I never, never shall.” author David Garnett, age 4
“Boy, the things I do for England.” Prince Charles of Wales, on eating snake meat
“Okay, so what’s the speed of DARK?” Mikey’s Thot for the Day
203. “His friends he loved. His direst earthly foes—Cats—I believe he did but feign to hate, My hand will miss the insinuated nose, Mine eyes the tail that wagg’d contempt at fate.” Sir William Watson
204. “One of the animals which a generous and sociable man would soonest become is a dog. A dog can have a friend; he has affections and character; he can enjoy equally the field and the fireside; he dreams. he caresses, he propitiates; he offends, and is pardoned; he stands by you in adversity; he is a good fellow.” Leigh Hunt
205. “Dogs are our link to paradise. They don’t know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring—it was peace.” Milan Kundera
206. “Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship.” Ambrose Bierce
207. “ ’Tis sweet to hear the watch-dog’s honest bark Bay deep-mouth’d welcome as we draw near home; ’Tis sweet to know there is an eye will mark Our coming, and look brighter when we come.” Lord Byron
“The gift which I am sending to you is called a dog, and is in fact the most precious and valuable possession of the world.” Theodorus Gaza
“I don’t believe in marriage. It’s bloody impractical to love, honor, and obey. If it weren’t, you wouldn’t have to sign a contract.” Katharine Hepburn
“If you’re yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air conditioning.” Griff Niblack
“Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.” 马克 Twain
“A total lack of evidence is a sure sign that the conspiracy is working.” Jay Ostrowski
“It must be recess in heaven if St. Peter is letting his angels out.” Zora Neale Hurston, “Their Eyes Were Watching God”
“Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Takefunny quotes quotes two aspirin” and “Keep away from children.” ” Unknown
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” Drew Carey
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.” Rod Stewart
“The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it…at the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.” Jeff Foxworthy
“Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.” Paul Rodriguez
“Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.” Oscar Wilde
“Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” 马克 Twain
“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning ‘to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.’” Robin Williams
“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.” Roseanne
“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” Billy Crystal
“Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan!” A Whitney Brown
“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.” Dave Barry
“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intension of getting married.” George Burns
“Relationships are hard. It’s like a full time job and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.” Bob Ettinger
“My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’” Paula Poundstone
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